Forgive never Forget!

Well as you may know, I’m in a fake relationship with a cheater. Well he has left to the west for a month, and that’s the time I have to figure things out and finally move out of the apartment. At first, when I found out about the cheating and everything, I really wanted to screamed at this guy and kinda wanted to make his life miserable, all that and more. It has been two months that I know all about the cheatings and lies, and I must say that I don’t hate him anymore, and planning on talking to him about the problem and hopefully keep his friendship.
I am not looking to talk about things with him, and try to fix the problem because pretty much I want out, and can’t trust someone that has cheated on me. But would like to know his side of the story, and why he did what he did. He tells me everyday how much he loves me and cares for me. To be honest with you, I kinda believe it. I know that if he would love me, he won’t be doing any of this behind my back, but I also believe that there is people that have problems keeping one steady person in their life and I think that he is that type of guy!
I never thought that I would be saying this, but I do forgive him. He has been a great person all this time, since the first day we started seeing each other, and I know he cares. But I guess I’m not the right person for his games. It feels good to forgive but will never forget!

Booty call stay away from my heart!

According to Wikipedia, 'A booty call is a telephone call, other communication, or visitation made with the sole intent of arranging a meeting for sexual acts with the person being contacted. It is associated with casual sex between people who have established a casual relationship,' yeah this is all supposed to make sense when you don't get attached to that person, but what do you do when you do, and you are just a booty call to the other person.

I been going through a lot lately in my personal life, and this person comes along in my life. It was at an opening night for a club in the city, and i never thought that i was going to get involved with this guy. I arrived at the club around mid-nite and it was one of those days that i just went out without planning it, walked into the club and he was the first person i saw by the bar, Just look at him, and that was all. I was just with friends all night, so nothing really happened at that club. We went to an after-party at Avenue and there he was, This time he approached me to say hi and started to talk, It was time to go so we exchanged numbers and said Good-bye.

The next day, i sent him a text and he replied, we agreed to meet with each other in SoHo and go out. Well that night happened...................... I'm a big flirt but never really have casual sex with guys, but he happened to be the person who filled the void in my life.

We have been seeing each other for about two months, We actually hang out together and go out to clubs, but in the end of the night, we usually ended up having sex! I think that i'm starting to like him way too much, and don't know how to stop this feeling.

I have asked friends on what to do, and the answer is always the same 'Stop seeing him,' but what about if he is the person that somehow makes you feel good, and i'm not talking about just the sex part, but when someone makes you laugh and enjoy the time.

I got into this booty call thing, and i knew that it was going to be that way with him. So it's not really his fault but mine. He has never promised me anything or tell me anything about something else. I'm not sure about what to do with the situation, don't know if i'll be able to just stop talking to him, or start seeing him just as a DAMN BOOTY CALL!

Christmas with the family, Vodka on the rocks please!

I think two days with the family was insane, But it's always good to get with them just to remind me how important i am to them. Now that i live in the city, i don't get to see them as often so days like Christmas are the best.

I drove to my parents house, and as soon as i parked my car i could hear people screaming, and yes my family members do not know how to talk like normal people do, we scream because everybody is so loud, that in order to have a conversation you must scream. Well i grabbed the Christmas gifts and walked into the house, and they were at least 30 of us, and it was just like a circus. Well First of all, to get across the living room it took at least 20 minutes. You know saying hi to everybody. Good thing i spotted my two fave family members, my cousin Mercy and my sister-in-law Marie, than i knew it was in for a good night.

Of course Mercy and I started looking for the alcohol, and started the night. I love her because even though we don't see each other that often, every time i see her we get into the most deep conversations and talk about everything. We somehow always cry, laugh and enjoy every single time we see each other.

It was also an special night because my cousin Rudy is going back to Irak in two weeks, there were moments at the table that someone would say 'Hey Rudy, next year Christmas dinner will be even better,' and suddenly there was this silence..... Until someone said something funny and break the ice.

This Christmas was so different to every other one, I think that i have changed in the last year and have learned to appreciate my family and time with them. Hope you all had a Merry Christmas.

Thinking of my sister, I miss you very much!

Today it's been about a year that we lost my sister to Lupus, She fought the disease for 4 years until Last year when she couldn't fight it anymore and gave up. Well i have to say that she didn't gave up, i think it was just time for her to go and rest in peace. As hard as it was, my family and I wanted her to stop suffering.

I flew to Peru last year to visit my sister, not to say good bye but to give her support and let her know that we were there for her. Sadly, a week before i got there, she was rushed to the hospital for a regular visit and she ended up staying there until her last day. I was with her for about 3 weeks, when i first got to see her, i was in shocked and not a single word came out of my mouth. I collapsed, tried to keep myself together and she was under so much medications that she did not recognize nor could talk to me. She was sitting on a chair staring at the wall, i could barely recognize her. Her face was all bruised and swollen from the seizure she had two weeks ago. She couldn't walk and had to be carry to her bed.

I stayed with her for 3 weeks, would go to her house and be with her two kids, and in the morning i would go back to the hospital and be with her until 8 at night. I fed her, we watched TV together, sing together, talk to each other until her medicine kicked in and she would just start mumbling and go back to sleep. Slowly, she started to walk and doing things on her own. It was time for me to leave and told her that i was coming back in a few months so that i could take her on a vacation.

We truly believed that she was going to make it, but two months later she went to sleep and never got up again.

It has been about a year and all i can say is that i miss her very much. I cannot wait to see you one day, and i know you are watching us from above. I love you!

It's just one of those days!

Today i woke up in a good mood, got ready to come to work but all the sudden this sadness has taken over. It could probably be the time of the year before Christmas and i guess it could be understandable, But i think i have a lot going on in my life and even though when i try to put on a good face and pretend that everything is ok. I think today is the day that i can't fake my feelings, and feel like all these emotions are taking over. Good thing i'm going to see my family tomorrow and that i will spend time with the crazy ppl, so i'm pretty sure that they will make me forget at least of all the drama for one night.

Surprise, Your BF is cheating on you, and he says that he loves you!

This is my first post and YES it's not in perfect English.... So i hope you get the message. My first post will be about what is going on in my life at this moment.

November 4th,2009, i came from a long workout at the gym, and excited to see my bf. I knew he went out to a dinner with his friends, but that night i decided to stay in and go to the gym instead. Walked into the apt from work and something was just not right in the air, felt this negativity and tension, but obviously ignored it and proceed to do my protein shake and get ready to go to the gym. At that time i didn't have a laptop so i would use his, and before i jumped into the shower, decided to check my gmail and for some odd reason his account was open and there was a line that caught my eyes and it said it was the best sex i've ever had. My body started to shake and took a deep breath and YES proceed to open the e-mail. My eyes couldn't believe, suddenly i felt this pain in my stomach area, and my head started to spin. It was my first time going through something like this, but my curiosity didn't stop there. I kept checking older e-mails, and found out that he has been having casual sex with not 1 or 2 but 4, my world collapsed, closed the laptop and sat on the kitchen floor for almost an hour, thinking all the things that i should and could do.

My anger was taking over and wanted to call him and tell him that kinda pig that he is, wanted to break things, scream and call someone to come and get me. But reality was different, i moved in with him about 4 months ago, and couldn't really go back home. So my only option was to stay in with a stranger and just play his game.

Two months later, i'm still in the relationship, have never tell him that i know.... I'm planning on moving out of his apt at the end of next month and just walk away, and try to get myself together and find myself a place. Trying to save as much as i can, because this time around i'll be on my own.

I try to laugh as much as i can, I try to have fun as much as i can, I try to make people believe that i'm ok. The truth is that i cannot wait to get out of this mess, because i feel like i'm dying more and more, day by day.