Surprise, Your BF is cheating on you, and he says that he loves you!

This is my first post and YES it's not in perfect English.... So i hope you get the message. My first post will be about what is going on in my life at this moment.

November 4th,2009, i came from a long workout at the gym, and excited to see my bf. I knew he went out to a dinner with his friends, but that night i decided to stay in and go to the gym instead. Walked into the apt from work and something was just not right in the air, felt this negativity and tension, but obviously ignored it and proceed to do my protein shake and get ready to go to the gym. At that time i didn't have a laptop so i would use his, and before i jumped into the shower, decided to check my gmail and for some odd reason his account was open and there was a line that caught my eyes and it said it was the best sex i've ever had. My body started to shake and took a deep breath and YES proceed to open the e-mail. My eyes couldn't believe, suddenly i felt this pain in my stomach area, and my head started to spin. It was my first time going through something like this, but my curiosity didn't stop there. I kept checking older e-mails, and found out that he has been having casual sex with not 1 or 2 but 4, my world collapsed, closed the laptop and sat on the kitchen floor for almost an hour, thinking all the things that i should and could do.

My anger was taking over and wanted to call him and tell him that kinda pig that he is, wanted to break things, scream and call someone to come and get me. But reality was different, i moved in with him about 4 months ago, and couldn't really go back home. So my only option was to stay in with a stranger and just play his game.

Two months later, i'm still in the relationship, have never tell him that i know.... I'm planning on moving out of his apt at the end of next month and just walk away, and try to get myself together and find myself a place. Trying to save as much as i can, because this time around i'll be on my own.

I try to laugh as much as i can, I try to have fun as much as i can, I try to make people believe that i'm ok. The truth is that i cannot wait to get out of this mess, because i feel like i'm dying more and more, day by day.